Ever since I can remember, I have had vivid dreams and nightmares. When I was 11-12 I would have a dream at least once a week for a year where I was simply at a location talking to Alec Baldwin. We would just sit and talk. He would talk about his children, his wife, life, acting...whatever we wished! I never had a crush on him, simply not my type, and we had never met in person. But I swore it was really happening. That I knew way too much detail about his life for not to be real.
If you don't know Matt Bellamy, he's the lead singer, songwriter, guitar player for the band MUSE. It was through their music that I first began to feel the intense feelings of connection through time and space to another whom I had never met. I believed they were saying the things I had been thinking, delving into the spirituality that I had experienced, feeling the deepness of love and pain that I was feeling. In short, Bellamy had been and was where I was! We were unique souls on Battlefield Earth and somehow we were connected through time and space.
This feeling is no more exemplified than in the lyrics of their song, Space Dementia. There in lies complex emotions, hidden and secret depth that I believed to have been unique to my situation. They lyrics are as follows (minus his vocal oohhs and mmms):
H8 - is the one for me
it gives me all I need
and helps me co-exist
with the chill
You make me sick
Because I adore you so
I love all the dirty tricks
And twisted games you play
on me
Space dementia in your eyes and
Peace will arise
And tear us apart
And make us meaningless again
You'll make us wanna die
I'd cut your name in my heart
We'll destroy this world for you
I know you want me to
Feel your pain
Space dementia in your eyes and
Peace will arise
And tear us apart
And make us meaningless again
All words, especially poetically created expressions of ideology, are up for interpretation. That being said, I understand these words. The concept is seemingly simple. Space dementia is a hypothetical mental condition in popular science fiction astronauts are said to sometimes experience when they're in space. And H8 is a term that both refers to NASA's supercomputer, and the eventual processors in our microcomputers. Bellamy's explanation of the meaning of this song given in an interview: "Space Dementia is the term NASA Used for what happens if you're left out in space for a long time, because if you truly conceptualize the situation of being there and looking back at Earth, it can drive you mad, The song's about a person who's quite important in my life and who gives me space dementia when I look at them. It's about being intensely engrossed so that you become obsessive and almost nasty."
The story of schizophrenia is the story of the astronaut or of Icarus if you will. You go beyond the borders of Earthly life. You experience things you believe to be so big, so grand, so God-filled that looking back onto Earth makes you feel even further away. You are never able to fully comprehend what you are experiencing because we are not provided with enough brains (microprocessors) to understand even a moment with God. As we approach God, we become more isolated from others and less able to cope with what occurs in everyday life. A peace washes over us, and individuality is lost. We will do anything for this love, and begin to see signs everywhere that God is present and ready to interfere with our daily life. Eventually you are alone. A satellite, a mirrored globe to reflect the light of God and to have his name imprinted into our hearts, his love burned onto our souls.
This song isn't about Bellamy looking into the eyes of someone Earthly "important in his life" that causes him to become so engrossed, obsessive, and nasty. It is about traveling through the dark night of the soul through all trials and tribulations to the edge of the precipice and looking into the face of God hoping not to be burned or blinded by the deadly flames of immortality in the near impossible hope of gaining a shred of the understanding of "who am I and why am I here?"
And I knew this. Not because I know Bellamy in person, or anyone who knows him personally. But because I had felt every syllable said and note played through my own experiences as a satellite in space.
I didn't believe he was talking to me personally, but a group of unique people that included me. I believed he was experiencing the same things through thousands of miles of time and space as I was, and that because he was, that validated my experiences. It even validated consciousness, and sometimes, God itself.
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